Today

It is days like today that I have full remembrance that I am depressed. That whole "why bother" attitude was out in full force. Honestly, I think that I would be content to simply lay in a ball on the couch watching TV all day, every day.

I know that I will get shit for not going to work today. I feel bad that I did not go to work, but I just could not make myself go. I absolutely do not want to be here any longer. I dont want to be living in this apartment. I dont want to be in Connecicut. I dont want my job. I need my job. I have no money, and I live paycheck to paycheck. Which, by the way, is entirely way too stressful.

The world scares the crap out of me, and I am uncomfortable in my own skin. So, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Blah blah blah.

Ideally... Well, honestly, I would go back in time and make different choices years ago. But from this point now in the present... assuming, of course that I had the money. I would quit my job and move to a place that I like better and get a new job there. Maybe not in that exact order. But that is what I really want. I have no money, so in order to make this happen, I have to work where I am now until there is enough money in savings (LOL) to afford to get a new job.

I dont really like most of my coworkers. Some I down right hate. Some I would call friends. But being at work does not make me happy. I dont enjoy it.

Anyway, I have been watching Ally McBeal DVDs all day instead of going to work. Losing myself in television is really the only way not to get lost in myself and my depression. It is my escape.

Okay, you know, every post on here is the same. I whine about my shitty life and how I wont do anything about it. So, I am just going to shut the fuck up and regress back into fantasy land for the night until it is time to wake up and argue with myself about going to work again.

**sigh** vicious cycle.